President Elect Donald J. Trump

This morning, for the first time in a long while, I was at a loss for words.

As I learned, over the course of last night and this morning, that Donald Trump was the president elect I was overcome with emotion. With fear, with confusion, with doubt and moreover – with surprise.

I’d spent the last year laughing at him as a presidential candidate. Convinced, like those around me, that his efforts wouldn’t make it past the primary and that his campaign would be a moment in history that we’d look back on and laugh at with our future children and grand children.

Now, with his name scrolling across the screen and the White House inviting him to transition power, it’s all becoming much more real. Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election, and Donald Trump won. Hate has trumped love.

This morning, for the first time in a long while, the entire country was at a loss for words.

After processing the realness of the fact that a rape-fueled, psychopathic, racist with no government experience and lack of respect for human kind is our next presidential nominee, I am overwhelmed with two immediate emotions – fear and hope.

The Fear

I do not fear for my day-to-day life, living in New York City. I’m incredibly lucky to live in a place where different nationalities, religions, races, sexes and personalities are not only accepted, but welcomed and embraced.

I do not fear for my friends living in New York City. While many of them come from different backgrounds and states, some of which are outside of Manhattan and supported the Trump presidency, they live in the same, diverse city I do. And there is a sense of safety here, now.

I do fear for my family at home. Having a black father and bi-racial brother living in Indiana, with Mike Pence as the Vice President of the United States, is one of the most terrifying feelings  I’ve had hit me in a while. My father, a public servant, and my brother, a 7-year-old, will now both be at risk for the blatant racism and discrimination that the Trump campaign so strongly promotes and supports. I now fear for their lives – at school, at work, at church – as the next U.S. President and Vice President have let my family’s community know it is acceptable to hate them based on their skin color. A kind reminder that it is 2016.

I do fear for my friends at home. While the majority of my friends are white in Indiana (a fact that now reassures me they’ll be a little safer), they are not all straight, white, wealthy men (which would make them the safest). They’re heterosexual people who have low income jobs. They’re homosexual men and women with spouses and families. They’re minorities and opinionated.

I do fear for the women in my life. I work with a force of brilliant women, my mother and grand mother and family members are the strongest women I know. And all of them are now at risk of losing the rights to their own bodies, and the ability to choose for themselves. Each of these women are are at risk of being sexually assaulted, as the leader of the free world has shown it’s fine for men to do. Each of these women have been shown that regardless of how successful and driven and determined you are – a man can, and sometimes will, trump your qualification with his Y chromosome.

The Hope

I have hope for the citizens of the U.S. While Hillary lost in electoral votes, she won the popular vote. Meaning the majority of America wanted her to be our next leader. The majority of America saw her leadership, experience and  loyalty to her country as qualities they wanted in the nest president. We wanted someone who would unite the country and accept people from all backgrounds and build a country for the children and families in our country – and a country who wants that, is a country I can get behind.

I have hope for the Democratic Party. There had to be a losing party yesterday, and I personally think the right group lost – I know, stay with me. If there were ever a group to rally from their loss and unite behind their fallen candidate, it is the Democrats. We are not a collection of people who sits down and bitches when our party doesn’t win (though complaints and bitching is going to happen) – we are a group of people who organizes, who fights back, who makes moves. And for that I am incredibly proud to be a part of this party.

I have hope for the people close to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express the genuine love and support I’ve seen in scrolling through my social media and talking with those close to me. All of us, friends to coworkers to family members, are feeling this heartache and all of us are hoping for a successful country, in spite of the president. You make an effort to have people in your life with similar values and hopes for the future and ideals, and I’m so glad to see that I succeeded in that.

And Now

We take the time to adjust, to mourn. And eventually, to grow. Our country is still our country – and while so many voters came out and showed the makeup so many of us didn’t know existed, it’s the difference in opinions and politics that have built us up this far.

Today is going to be (and has been) terrible, for some of us. This week is going to absolutely suck. Everyone is upset and surprised and afraid, and that’s okay. Take the time to be with your loved ones, to watch a mopey movie, to eat comfort food. That is what today is for. But things will, inevitably, get better. Not immediately, but it will happen – that’s how the government works.

In the meantime, take comfort in the fact that for the first time in history, a woman was on the ticket for President of the United States. Take comfort in the fact that millennials voted for the forward-thinking, smarter candidate. Take comfort with those around you and in the fact that the best group of people in our country (in my opinion) are fired up to change the foreseeable future, for the better.