Back and better than ever! (Lol not really, but I am writing again)

You guys. Isn’t it just wild (sad? hilarious? depressing? predictable? pointless?) that I haven’t written anything long-form since The Cheetoh was elected? I mean it’s not like I haven’t written anything, but you get it.

It’s been four years since my last blog post (how fuggin’ dramatic could I possibly sound). During the last two years, I’ve started writing some jokes. I’ve been standing up and telling those jokes on stages! To rooms full of people!

HAHAHAHAH REMEMBER ROOMS FULL OF PEOPLE?????? ME NEITHER!!! WEAR A FREAKING MASK.

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Anyway, now I’m back to typing and hoping/begging for laughs and likes and shares on the internet. And while I did consider pulling a Stephanie Meyer and posting 4 years worth of blog posts labeled “January. February. March.” and so on and so forth, I was moved instead to brain dump a list of things in my brain to kickstart the process again.

It’s really just a few lists to get us started. Lets also take a moment to follow me on Twitter, Instagram and (I’m so sorry for this) TikTok.

Things I’ve Accomplished (This list is brief)

  • Wrote and submitted my first ever formal piece of writing—a satire packet to Reductress (this is a very big deal for me!!!!!)

  • Applied mascara and put on a bra an average of 3 days a week

  • Did an interview on the hilarious podcast Content For Another Day (listen & subscribe!)

Things I Was Correct About (This list is also brief)

  • T*ump was a literal disaster for the world, but we all kinda saw that coming right?

  • I can pay off my credit cards if I just don’t do anything for 6 months

  • Literally nothing else

Things I Never Saw Coming

  • A global pandemic 

  • A massive and long overdue human rights movement

  • A global pandemic and a massive and long overdue human rights movement happening at the same time!!!!!!!

  • Not living with my roommate (in our dope ass apartment) for half the year

  • Living under my parents’ roof again

  • Drinking iced coffee on a regular basis (this was not a good addition)

  • Not feeling funny for 3 full months

Things That Have Not Changed

  • My love life / dating life / romantic prospects

  • My regular appointments with my therapist

  • Speaking to my best friends everyday (now via Houseparty and IG message)

  • My inability to finish a book no matter how much time I have

  • Binging a lot of television

  • Not exercising at all no matter how much time I have

Things I’m Considering Writing Jokes About 

  • Masks!!!!! Which you should be wearing!!!

  • Quarantine?

  • Dating on Zoom (I’m not doing this FYI, are you guys??)

  • Drinking, now with zero tolerance

  • Hobbies (Mine so far are crosswords, tie dye, making smoothies)

  • TikTok / Instagram 

  • Being back in my old life, as a different person, but the boys from my past still not being interested

  • Baking bread (still cool?)

  • Virtual fitness classes—NICE TRY, I’m still not working out

If you read this far, you’re a really good friend (or fan) of mine, how about you send me to someone else and share the wonder that is Serria Thomas.

Serria Thomas